there's a thing that programmers and engineers do where they have a problem they can't solve, and they ask a colleague for help, but while they're explaining the problem aloud for the first time, a solution occurs to them. Sometimes they feel bad for bothering someone for no reason, or want to streamline that process, so some of them buy a rubber duck, to whom they can explain problems aloud.

Rubber ducks will also listen to personal problems, so I hope to avoid bothering my friends with trivial angst matters in future. and I wish I'd thought of this ten years ago. Or even two months ago would have been great.

At this age, when I need to reach out to a friend for help, I might pick someone who's known me long enough to be totally sick of my bullshit and jeopardize that friendship. Or, as always, I might pick someone who takes the opportunity to unload their own bullshit that I'm not ready for. With some people, I realized too late that I always felt worse after I talked to them. Some people act really supportive and demand I call them on the phone and it turns out they're high and incoherent.

I already reach out to friends way less often than I want to, maybe I'll be able to put forth the permanent illusion of self-sufficiency that society demands of me.